Did you ever notice that some people wear a frown better than a smile? It’s a strange thing to see a smile where you’ve always seen a frown. It’s like when you come out of a really dark tunnel and see the light for the first time, you’re blinded. When you finally get back your sight and see that the person is back to normal you are somewhat relieved. It’s so horrible that that is how I think sometimes. I get so comfortable with what I am used to that I hate to see anything different. I’m so afraid that this habit of mine, that of hating what is different, will ruin my life, as I know it will eventually do. I want this feeling gone. God I want you to take this from my life. I know that this can’t be something that you want me to have. I know that for a long time I looked at your grace and hated it because it was different and fought against so hard. Lord take this from me. I just want to love you…I believe that you are there, that you took my sins, that you sent your spirit to guide me through this life. I know that you love me and that will never change, the problem is me. God kill me and bring me back to life, and this time, create someone that loves you. I’m desperate for you to help me love you.