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Did you ever notice that some people wear a frown better
than a smile? It’s a strange thing to see a smile where you’ve always seen a
frown. It’s like when you come out of a really dark tunnel and see the light
for the first time, you’re blinded. When you finally get back your sight and
see that the person is back to normal you are somewhat relieved. It’s so
horrible that that is how I think sometimes. I get so comfortable with what I
am used to that I hate to see anything different. I’m so afraid that this habit
of mine, that of hating what is different, will ruin my life, as I know it will
eventually do. I want this feeling gone. God I want you to take this from my
life. I know that this can’t be something that you want me to have. I know that
for a long time I looked at your grace and hated it because it was different
and fought against so hard. Lord take this from me. I just want to love you…I
believe that you are there, that you took my sins, that you sent your spirit to
guide me through this life. I know that you love me and that will never change,
the problem is me. God kill me and bring me back to life, and this time, create
someone that loves you. I’m desperate for you to help me love you.
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| Hello Xanga,
You prob don't remember me but that's only because we haven't spoken in nearly a year, maybe longer. There is wisdom that can be found in the comfort, "you know he cares because when he's hurting he comes to you." I hope that this will suffice as an apology for my absence. I hope also that it will give you joy to know that I've been happy and without pain for so long. Recently though, I've fallen again on hard times. Times that the solo pianist pound onto their medium and times that give orators double passion. I pray to God today that I can be the pianist rather than the orator. While the orator barriers their times beneath words and action, the pianist humbly request that they would be lifted and taken away as the notes they pound eventually float from a room. God take my times and make something beautiful out of them; but don't let them linger long for I fear the pain. As always, your will be done.
Lovingly,
Billy Fenyes | | |
| So I'm sorry to Elyse. It's true. I really shoud have stopped by and said goodbye to you. I don't really know what more to say about that. It wasn't like a personal "I don't care to see Elyse thing". I just wanted to leave as soon as possible. Sorry again.
Now that I'm home...
I want to be back in Toccoa but I see so much work that has to be done here I just don't even know if I want to go and work in Tampa. So much work to do...
So much work to do...
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| So... I went out to eat...to a movie....and looked at the sky for about a half hour!
I wish you were there...
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| So I nearly had a heart attack when I found out that there is a major tennis challege every year... AHHHHH, that is one of the most amazing things I've ever heard. If by now you aren't thinking that I'm a really big loser then just sit back and wait until you hear what else had me really excited. Scrubs is on all day...I'm flipping out, only one thing is missing. 
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